It Wasn't Me
by Agent Frostbite
Summary: Fury's looking for the person who pranked him. He's narrowed it down to one of four people in the break room, and is determined to find who. Set in AoS Season 1 because I don't like Ward being a bad guy and everything was a lot happier in Season 1


The door to the break room was thrown open, making a loud thudding sound as the doorknob slammed into the wall. I sigh and turn around to see a very angry Director Fury. "Who messed with my coffee?!" he bellows.

My eyes go wide. I might do a lot of crazy things to him as pranks - lock him out of his office, lock him _in_ his office, wire his office, paint his office, mess with the paperwork on his desk, put glitter all over his office (Man, I mess with his office a lot...) even turn in intentionally screwed up reports - but no-one, and I mean _no-one_ in their right mind would mess with his coffee. You just don't do it.

I look at the other people in the room. Tony Stark pretends to be bored, but in reality is as shocked as I am. Agent Grant Ward, whose eyebrows are raised in disbelief. Carol Danvers - who's usually on the _Damocles_ , an alien warship confiscated by SHIELD and the alien branch of it, SWORD; Sentient World Observation and Research Division - who's only got her feet on the ground because Easter was this week and she hasn't gone back quite yet. And me.

"I know it was one of you," he says, making eye contact with all of us. "Tell me who did it, and your punishment will be quick." It'll probably be something like coffee runs and being helper for Accounting and Records. I hate them...

"I have no motivation to do it, nor am I crazy enough. But good luck with finding them," I say nonchalantly as I stroll to the door, but he blocks it.

"Nobody leaves till I get the culprit," he explains, not moving. Maybe challenging or questioning him isn't smart, but I'm _not_ gonna sit here and watch everyone else get interrogated all day.

" _What_?! But that's totally unfair! I don't have time to sit here and be interrogated or watch someone else be interrogated just 'cause someone messed up your coffee order! Contrary to your belief, I actually _do_ have things I'd like to get done today." Yeah, I'm insane.

"I. Got. Decaf," he states in one word sentences. Oh. Decaf? Yikes.

"...carry on," I say. I turn around and sit back down. I may not like the situation, but as much crap as I put up with, he has to deal with three times more _and_ run a government agency while still doing the occasional field mission. Even if you don't _like_ the guy, you still have to _respect_ him. And I respect and like him enough that I'll deal with a wrench being thrown at my schedule. I sit down and see who raises the most red flags.

It turns out to be Tony. Fury notices it as well. "Stark, you look awfully nervous," he says, walking closer. Awfully nervous? That's an understatement. He looks like he just hacked the CIA and got busted for it.

"No, no, I'm fine," he replies, sweating more than a thief striking up a casual conversation with a cop. And I've seen those guys; they look nervous.

"Really?" Fury asks in that 'I don't think so' tone. He drops the pretense and goes straight for the question. "What'd you do?"

Tony cracks under the pressure. "Ihackedintoyourcomputeranddeletedstuff." _What?_

"What?" Fury echoes my thought.

"I hacked into your computer and deleted files hat would've been damaging to my reputation!" What, seriously? _That's_ what he was nervous about? No wonder he looked like a thief talking with a cop. Nevertheless, I see an opportunity, and I take it.

"What reputation?" I smirk while he glares at me. Fury gives him a long, hard look.

"He's telling the truth," he finally says. Duh. Like Tony would lie about that. Although... he _is_ awfully clever... I might need to keep a closer eye on that. He turns to Ward.

"Agent Ward. Did you mess with my coffee?"

"Not even Nikki and her antics can get a smile out of me." Ward deadpans with the most perfect poker face I've ever seen. "Why on Earth would I mess with your coffee as a sick prank?" He starts counting reason on his fingers. "It's dangerous, it's unproductive, it jeopardizes the safety of everyone onboard this ship, it's a bad idea downright-"

"Okay, okay!" Fury cuts him off. "You didn't do it."

"But if he didn't, then who in this room did?" I think aloud. I notice Danvers shuffling her feet. No... it couldn't be. At some point in time, someone passed around the notion that she didn't know how to prank. Despite both of us living in the Tower, I naively believed it. Now, seeing her shuffling her feet as the process of elimination has left us with no other choice than her, I realize I was so, so wrong.

Before Fury can even ask the question, she dashes out the now open door. Fury follows her, spouting off curses that would make a sailor blush. "So, Ward, what'd you do?" I ask. Because that argument was too well crafted for him to not have done something.

"I put glitter in one of the files," he replies as he walks out.

"Nice," I remark as I give the normally stern agent a high five on his way out and take another sip of my coffee.


End file.
